Defining IT in a New Year

December 27, 2007

A good friend often says to me "I'm not sure what IT is, but whatever IT is - you get IT." This may or may not make sense to you, but when he said this to me I felt almost enlightened. It is such a simple sentence but when you get IT, you cant help but see the majority of people around you that dont get IT. If you understand the IT, than this will all make a world of sense to you. And if you don't, I hope one day you do. The IT is an understanding of life, and what makes a life full and worth living for. The IT is understanding other people and what they need, its having the ability to listen to others and know what they are trying to say without words. IT is a genuine caring for other people and their well-being. IT is about having the ability to empathize with another human being. IT is about having a warmth in your soul that no one can dim. IT is about refusing to settle for what you want most - but what you want most is not held in monetary value. IT is about being willing to give the shirt off your back to someone who really needs it because you know you have several at home or could just buy a new one. IT is about bettering yourself, and knowing that in the quest for this it is not about a larger house or a more diversified stock portfolio, but becoming the best version of you that is possible. IT is about not sweating the small shit that doesnt matter. Who cares what the guy or girl down the street looks like, is wearing, is doing, is saying, is thinking? Let her do her, and you DO YOU. IT is about knowing that to be a complete person is not about the newest manolo blahnik's but having a complete heart - one that is not riddled with hate. IT is about knowing that the big screen tvs will come to you on their own because you are bound for success. You seek success but define your success in the depth of relationships with other people and the mark you leave on society. When you define success in this way it is inevitable that you are bound for happiness. And although you pick up a new coach or two along the way they are simply possessions and do not possess you. When you understand the IT you actually understand the difference between the two and these words have real meaning to you. And its not just something to claim as how you live your life because you already do and the people in your life already know it.

At my mothers funeral service in the midst of my tears my godmother turned to me and told me to look around and see how loved I was. She brought to my attention that their were three entire pews filled with people from my past, and that I was the only one there with that kind of support. Some were from high school whom I hadn't spoken to in months, some in years. Some from college who didn't even know my mother had been sick, which I now regret keeping a secret. But none the less they all traveled from their schools, different cities, different states to come support me. What amazed me the most was that I made only two phone calls to people, the rest was by word of mouth. She then said to me that although she hadnt been terribly close to me in years, this alone spoke volumes and she already knew what kind of person I was by seeing the degree that everyone cared for me. She said she could see that I was my mothers daughter and how she was determined to learn more. In the midst of the confusion of the day, it went in one ear and out the other. In the many months since it has been something that has resonated with me. She is now one of my best allies, I hold her opinion right next to my own.

When my mother passed an old friend who worked with the NY Board of Education created a scholarship in my mothers name. In leiu of food and flowers we asked for donations from people and the response was breathtaking. An unmentionable amount of money was donated to the American Cancer Society in her name. Eight months later in April her old Relay for life team, Debbie's Patriots, re-grouped themselves even in her absence. Prior to the event the school held rallies and fundraisers at football and basketball games, the teachers volunteered themselves to teacher auctions, bake sales, car washes. It was amazing to witness. My father and I watched it all come together in awe. Partially because she wasnt the principal, she wasnt even a teacher. She was working to stay busy. She was just the cheerful lady in student services who was always smiling. The whole thing created such a buzz around town that the Raleigh newspaper decided to do a piece on Relay for Life, and used my mothers story as the highlighting piece. The morning of the walk my dad and I sat and opened the paper and my moms face was plastered all over the place. It was a pleasant suprise, a few of the teachers set it up - but they themselves thought it would be a small article. We cleaned every paper stand out that day before going to the walk. The whole thing was a 24 hour event where you stay up all night and walk laps raising money either prior or through sales at the event. A huge part of the student body from her school showed up, the whole football team and cheerleading squad. It was almost odd to watch all these people grieve for her and wear her picture. But then I realized these are the people she touched, these people are her legacy, I am her legacy. I just want to leave an impact on people, the way she did. She had an aire about her, so warm and so poised. The world was truly robbed of a good woman. But, I know I am bound for great things and I have my mother to lead me there.

This blog has changed so much from its original intent, but I guess what I really strive for in this new year is to be more like my mother - she defined the IT, if you will - and to only keep genuine people in my life that raise me up and continue to teach me and make me a better person. I want to remember to be thankful for all the blessings that I have in my life because sometimes this is a conscience effort. I think when you can manage to do this, everything else tends to fall into place.