Ive just gone through and read several of these posts. It seems my sanity comes in waves, crashing down and building back up. Fortunately these swells are mirrored by catastrophic events, which I suppose makes me not completely off my rocker.
Ever since this entire nightmare began several years ago, Ive always had this restless feeling like it wasnt over. There was more to come. Another storm on the horizon. My mind could not rest, not even at night. Anxiety and insomnia plagued me to my core. I am happy to say I no longer have this restless feeling. I attended my grandfathers funeral this week and for the first time I didnt have the cloud over my head screaming 'what next'? What is the next obstacle to overcome?
For the first time I feel like its over. Like the monsoon may be lifting, clouds disapating and sun beaming through. Ironically this is almost equally terrifying.
Im thawing my heart again and trying to redefine this fish out of water in her own skin. But, I know its time to leave these cold stagnant safe harbors Ive clung to for so long.
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"Nothing else matters much - not wealth, nor learning, nor even health - without this gift: the spiritual capacity to keep zest in living. This is the creed of creeds, the final deposit and distillation of all important faiths: that you should be able to believe in life." -Harry Emerson Fosdick
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